So, let's drop the "w" word...

Weight. 

Weight loss sucks.

Weight gain sucks.

Weight is kind of just is a bitch in general.

Whether you strive for some number on the scale or strive to maintain some number on the scale, you know what I'm talking about. There is such an emphasis on being an ideal weight or having the ideal BMI (which I have more problems with than I care to bring up at this point) in order to attain optimal health that- wait for it- people forget to behave in ways that are actually healthy! My freshman year of high school, I crash-dieted, exercised, and lost 30 pounds in a month. A month!! Well guess what happened. Slowly (but surely), I gained every damn pound back, plus thirty more. I ate and exercised in a way that was depriving my body of what it needed and put myself in a completely horrible position because I was so focused on a certain weight, because I perceived it to be "healthy". So fast forward to the end of my high school career, and I was suffering greatly and was far less healthy than I had been to begin with, all because I wanted a number. Well, dear readers, here's an idea that has taken me years to understand and may seem rather counterproductive, but stay with me...

WEIGHT. DOESN'T. MATTER

Now, this is by no means me trying to justify anything to anyone. I'm done with justification and all of the shit associated with it. My head is out from under the covers and I'm dealing with the consequences of my unhealthy behaviors in an extremely healthy and active manner. As a result, I'm in better shape than I have ever been in my entire life. Yesterday, for example, was probably the best run I've had thus far. With the exception of stopping briefly after the first mile to stretch the extremely taut, tense muscles in my calves, I felt amazing. I never thought I would be able to say this, but I actually forgot that I was running. Let me throw that one out there one more time, just because it's that big of a deal. I forgot that I was running. And after Tuesday's disappointing run, I really needed to hit one out of the park. I did. And it was amazing. I'm running, doing Yoga, teaching Zumba, doing Pilates, doing all sorts of physical activity. I'm using a combination of my dietician's recommendations and Weight Watchers guidelines in order to provide my body with adequate calories and nutrients in order to fuel it in my activities. I am, by far, the healthiest I've ever been. And, as a natural result of this, my body is adjusting itself and I am losing weight that my body has, through my active lifestyle, deemed unnecessary and I am gaining muscle that my body needs in order to endure the workouts that I am so enjoying. I have lost 23 pounds, and I still have weight to lose, but I'm not focusing on the number. The number is merely a reflection of my efforts, not a reflection how I feel about myself or what I think that I am capable of. I mentioned to a friend that Weight Watchers' "ideal weight" for me would be completely unattainable because of the amount of muscle I have and my body fat percentage, I would have to not only lose all of my body fat, but muscle as well... That ain't gon HOPPEN!! I am more than okay with being a little heavier and still having my guns. In response to this (what I thought was a rather obvious point) she said not to limit myself because I could work hard and achieve any number I wanted. After staring blankly into space for approximately a week trying to figure out a way to respond to that without asking "GIRL IS YOU CRAZY?", I realized that her mentality is the exact reason why women try to conform to what our society says is beautiful... BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT TOO! Society has us convinced that skinny is beautiful and that the only way we can do what we want to do, be who we want to be, and live the kind of live we want to live is to be skinny. Well girls, I have some news (and society, you can go jump off a bridge if you don't like it):

Healthy is the new skinny, the new beautiful, and the new happy. 

PS: If you're into it, please pray for Sara Ann and her family, who recently lost a beloved mother/grandmother/great-grandmother.